


The List; or, The Five Times Remus Lupin did not Exhibit Trademarks of Homosexuality (and the One Time He Did)

by sreka



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: 5+1, 5+1 Things, Crack Treated Seriously, Dramatic Sirius Black, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Oblivious Remus Lupin, Peter isn't awful (yet), TW: Homophobia, Walburga Black's A+ Parenting, but not really, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2019-11-20
Packaged: 2021-02-18 00:49:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21502552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sreka/pseuds/sreka
Summary: TEENAGERS, BEWARE OF THE “FRIEND” OF YOUR OWN SEX WHO:1. Is too “nice to be true.2. Wants to spend time with you alone.3. Proposes that you be roommates and sleep in the same bed.4. Writes you love notes as to a sweetheart.5. Directs the conversation to intimate matters.6. Wants to touch the private parts of your body.THESE ARE SOME OF THE TRADEMARKS OF HOMOSEXUALITY.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 32
Kudos: 675





	The List; or, The Five Times Remus Lupin did not Exhibit Trademarks of Homosexuality (and the One Time He Did)

**Author's Note:**

> A quick thing I wrote at work based on [ this tumblr post. ](https://www.tumblr.com/search/i%27ll%20just%20tag%20my%20otps%20so%20some%20good%20samaritan%20will%20write%20a%20fic)
> 
> It's an unbeta'd crack-y trash fic that caught feelings?

“Look at this, mate.”

James jumped at the unexpected intrusion. He had arrived early to King’s Cross and hadn’t expected anyone to join him in the carriage for at least another quarter of an hour.

Peter was chronically late. Remus wasn’t arriving until mid-week due to the Full. Sirius was always kept off the train until the last possible second by his mother, presumably to endure a last minute lecture on blood purity, cultivating appropriate connections, and staying away from the blood-traitorous Potter boy (who, after learning in third year that he was a subject of said lectures, took to making increasingly obscene gestures behind her back for his friend’s amusement).

James, glasses thrown on the seat in front of him, was in the midst of changing into his school robes (this had nothing to do with the fact that he had seen Lily was already in her school robes). 

Recognizing Sirius’s voice, he mumbled a greeting from under the folds of the fabric. When he had righted himself, he smoothed down the front of his robes and reached for his glasses, only to find a book shoved under his nose, the text blurring under his unfocused eyes.

“Oi! Give a man a second to breath…” he leaned down, dipping around the book to grab his glasses, “what’s it say?”

Sirius tutted impatiently. 

“Just read it, Prongs.”

“Alright, give me a minute. Merlin, I forgot how impatient you are.”

He slung his arm around Sirius’s shoulder and pulled him into a weak hug. 

“How was your summer, anyway?”

“Shit. But it’s over now.”

Sirius pulled away from the hug and clapped his hand on James’s shoulder, squeezing hard. If the dozens of terse, one-line letters sent over the summer weren’t answer enough, James was now acutely aware he wouldn’t be getting anymore on the subject. 

They settled down across from one another, lounging in the comfortable carriage seats. Sirius leaned against the window and proffered the book to James with a wicked grin.

“Now read it.”

Intrigued, he grabbed the book.

Sirius had it open to a page with little text, just a few sentences and a list of 6 items.

His eyes widened. Keeping his thumb in the book to mark his place, James flipped the book over to read the front cover. 

_ Courtship and the Sacred Twenty-Eight. _

James took off his glasses once again and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“This is the year, Jamie, I can feel it.” 

“You realize… This isn’t…. You know it’s meant as…”

James glanced up at Sirius, who was no longer paying attention. He was gazing out the window, lost in thought with a calculating smirk on his lips.

“You know, you _ could  _ just talk to him, Padfoot.”

Sirius waved a hand dismissively and snatched the book back. He pulled out a quill and began to write in the margins.

James sighed. There was no stopping him now. 

“Poor Moony.”

~~~~~

_ While the previous chapter discussed the importance of young witches and wizards investigating their suitors’ claims of blood purity - for there are many who would lie about their status to both cover up the shame of tainted blood and to gain immoral entry to superior families - this chapter will discuss a more insidious threat: _

_ TEENAGERS, BEWARE OF THE “FRIEND” OF YOUR OWN SEX WHO: _

  * _Is too “nice to be true._


  * Wants to spend time with you alone.


  * Proposes that you be roommates and sleep in the same bed.


  * Writes you love notes as to a sweetheart.


  * Directs the conversation to intimate matters.


  * Wants to touch the private parts of your body.



_ THESE ARE SOME OF THE TRADEMARKS OF HOMOSEXUALITY. _

~~~~~

**_Query One: is the subject too nice to be true?_ **

The first two weeks of September passed quickly. 

Too quickly for Sirius’s liking.

Between classes, pranks, the occasional detention, and James’s near-constantly commentary on why Sirius should not plan an investigation into whether Remus was exhibiting any of the Trademarks of Homosexuality™, Sirius was so exhausted at the end of the day he hardly had time to plan his investigation into whether Remus was exhibting any of the Trademarks of Homosexuality™. 

And yet, he thought, sitting down with a fresh piece of parchment and quill, he would manage. 

Now, to catalogue the evidence:

    * _helped that first year stuck in the staircase_
    * _gave me the last piece of toast at breakfast (plates do magically refill...half point?)_
    * _comforted James for 45 minutes when he was pining over Lily’s hair_



“You couldn’t possibly be working on the transfiguration essay, could you?” 

At the sound of Remus’s voice, Sirius hastily scribbled out the notes and flipped the parchment over.

“Um. I’m just starting to plan it, you know?”

Remus looked at him doubtfully.

“You’ve never planned a thing in your life, Padfoot.”

“I have!” 

“Pranks don’t count. And even so…” he trailed off, pulling his robes off and beginning to dress for bed. He was much less shy now that the three animagi transformed with him each month (Sirius didn’t stare at his sharp hip bones. He didn’t trace a scar down, down, down...). Remus shook his head as he pulled on his flannel pyjamas, a small smile on his face. 

No doubt he was remembering Sirius and James’s last prank, in which Sirius had been somewhat overly excited to test an experimental charm that could bypass passwords and get him into McGonagall’s private rooms.

Having perfected their casting at one in the morning, neither boy had the patience or forethought to wait until McGonagall was otherwise occupied  _ outside _ of her rooms to try the spell. The resulting detentions had been worth it, Sirius claimed, for the confirmation that Minnie did indeed have a tartan negligee to match her dressing gown.

Remus, whose Prefect patrols suddenly included twice as many checks on the hallways that he knew hosted professor’s chambers, was less convinced of that particular prank’s merits.

He sat down on his bed, pulling his own work towards him.

“So what are you working on?” 

“I don’t know why you find it so hard to believe I might be starting this essay early. It is a NEWT level course, you know.” 

“I  _ do _ know that, which is why I already wrote a draft. But seeing as it isn’t due until  _ next _ week and you’ve no other homework due  _ this _ week, I can say with complete certainty that that parchment doesn’t have anything to do with Transfiguration and, to be honest Padfoot, I’m utterly shocked to see you holding a writing utensil at all.” 

“Moony!” 

Remus glanced over at him, a small smile playing on his lips (Siris did not focus on how much he want to lick the smile off of them).

“Well,” he said with a shrug, “you asked.”

_ Bastard _ .

Sirius flicked the hangings of his four-poster bed shut with his wand and returned to his notes.

    * _helped that first year stuck in the staircase_
    * _gave me the last piece of toast at breakfast (plates do magically refill...half point?)_



  * _comforted James for 45 minutes when he was pining over Lily’s hair_


  * mocks my work ethic



  
  
  
  
  


**_Query One: is subject too nice to be true?_ **

**_Conclusion:_ ** _ no. _

**_Trademarks detected:_ ** _ 0 out of 6 _

~~~~~

  
  


**_Query Two: does subject want to spend time with me alone?_ **

‘Why didn’t you finish it yesterday, mate? You knew try-outs were today.”

Sirius glowered at James, shoving his plate out of the way and pulling the other boy’s paper towards him. He skimmed the essay quickly, refreshing his memory on what McGonagall had gone over in class the previous week.

_ Right. Five exceptions… food… creatures.... right… _

All easy stuff. He shoved the paper back at James. He’d write it the next morning before class, he decided.

But James didn’t need to know that. Because James would try to dissuade him. Because today was Query Two day.

Today, he was Remus Hunting™. 

_ No. No. Scratch that. Not good. Not good. _

_ Investigating? _

_ Yes.  _

He sighed and pulled himself up, hoisting his bag over his shoulder.

“Right. Well, sorry Jamie. It’s not that I don’t want to watch you yell at terrified second years, trust me, I do...always a laugh… but Minnie’s work cannot wait.” 

He winked at Professor McGonagall as she walked by. She glared in warning.

“I’m off to do my essay, Professor!” 

“Given this is a solid 24 hours more than most of my essays receive, I trust shall be riveted by it, Mr. Black.” 

He grabbed a stack of toast and a cup of tea from the table and threw McGonagall his most charming grin before jogging out of the Great Hall, hoping to reach the dormitory before Remus had left. He and Peter could both be trusted to sleep as late as possible, making it down to the Great Hall just moments before breakfast vanished.

It was admirable, Sirius thought as he pushed open the door to the dormitory, how Remus had mastered the timing to maximize both his sleep and his tea consumption.

“Oh nice!” 

“Back off,” Sirius slapped Peter’s hand and held the plate high above his head, ““these are for Remus. Is he still asleep?” 

Peter rolled his eyes and sat on his bed to finish tying his shoes.

“Yeah, yeah, your beloved is still resting,” he whispered.

“Thank you,” Sirius said graciously. He handed Peter a single piece of toast in thanks and sat down next to him.

“Sorry mate, I just figured you would grab something on the way to watch try-outs.” 

“‘S fine. That was my plan anyway,” he yawned, “why aren’t you watching try-outs?” 

“Transfiguration essay.” 

Peter snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Nothing to do with sleeping beauty and his refusal to, quote: ‘subject myself to more quidditch than necessary to sustain my house pride and friendship with Prongs’?”

Sirius smiled fondly at the memory of Remus staunchly quashing James’s inspired speech about the Marauders uniting as a front for all of James’s captaincy-related duties.

Peter pulled his robes on. Before Sirius could interrupt to argue that he was, in fact, just writing his Transfiguration essay, Peter jerked his head towards the closed curtains around Remus’s bed. 

“Good luck mate,” he clapped him on the shoulder, “but honestly, just talk to him.”

The door swung shut. Sirius flopped backwards on Peter’s bed, toast and tea abandoned next to him in the space Peter had vacated.

_ Fuck. _

Talking was out of the question. The Marauders made his life worth living, and the thought of messing their dynamics up…

_ No. This required a delicate hand. _

“‘S that you, Pad- pad-” Remus let out a huge yawn, “Padfoot?”

He sprung up from Peter’s bed as Remus began to rustle around 

“Yes! Here!”

He shoved the plate and the teacup between a small gap in the curtains.

Remus was silent for a moment. His movement ceased. The curtains opened a few inches and Remus stuck his head out, a puzzled but nonetheless pleased smile on his face. 

“Thanks?” 

_God, those dimples. The rumpled curls._ _His eyes. Merlin. His eyebrows. So expressive. So furrowed. In confusion._

Their fingers were both curled around the teacup, barely brushing. Sirius was suddenly aware that he hadn’t let go of the cup, despite Remus’s insistent tugging.  _ Of course,  _ he thought fondly _ , Moony needs his tea first thing in the morning... _

_ Investigation. Right. _

_ Delicate hand. Yes. _

He relinquished his hold on the teacup.

“Do you want to spend time together alone with me today?”

Remus sputtered out a bit of tea.

He glanced up at Sirius, apparently trying to gauge whether or not Sirius had gone mental.

“...what?”   
  


“What?”   
  


“You… what? You asked... What did you ask me?” 

“Do you want- er. I’m not going to watch the quidditch try-outs, so I thought we could do something else today.”

“Together.” 

“Yes.” 

“And alone.”

“Yes.” 

Remus stared at him blankly.

“I mean alone  _ together _ . Not alone. Just, you know...” Sirius ran a hand through his hair. 

“I was going to go to the library.” 

“Oh, okay.” 

“You can join me, though.” 

Sirius smiled.

Remus smiled back, bemused. 

A spring in his step, Sirius headed towards his trunk and pulled out his cleanest set of robes.

“Oh. Lily might join us.”

  
  
  
  
  


**_Query Two: Does subject want to spend time with me alone?_ **

**_Conclusion:_ ** _ unknown - operation failed. _

**_Trademarks detected:_ ** _ 0 out of 6? _

~~~~~

  
  


**Query Three: Would subject** **propose that we be roommates and sleep in the same bed?**

Sirius flipped open  _ Courtship and the Sacred Twenty-Eight _ (glamoured to look like a thick Arithmancy book, as it was the only subject he was taking without Remus). He had read and reread the same page so often the spine was becoming creased. He no longer even needed a bookmark. 

Remus was in the shower. Peter and James looked at him pityingly. 

“I can’t believe you’re still reading that utter bollocks, mate.” 

“Shut up, Wormtail.” 

“He’s got a point though, Padfoot. You wouldn’t pay attention to the rest of the garbage in that book. It’s vile. Why do you think this would be any different? That list is like... the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

“...and shut up, Prongs.”

Peter and James shared a look.

“Investigation isn’t going well then, is it?”

“At least he isn’t calling it ‘Remus Hunting’ anymore.” 

The pair sniggered. Sirius shut the book with a snap and flung himself face down on his bed. 

“I told you that in confidence, James. Because I felt guilty. Because of the implications.”

The boys tried to stifle their laughter. They were not successful. 

“I will castrate you both.”

“What did they do this time?” 

Sirius looked up, took in the sight of one very wet Remus Lupin wrapped in a towel, and dropped his face back onto the bed.

“Ef wmwrnt rmtes wld y wmbe rmmts,” Sirius mumbled into his pillow.

“Beg pardon?” 

Sirius flipped himself over, staring resolutely at the curtained ceiling of his four-poster bed.

“Moony, if we weren’t roommates would you still want to be roommates with me?” 

Sirius heard James’s snort reverberating off the tiled walls of the bathroom.

_ Bastard.  _ He  _ was supposed to take the next shower, not James. _

“What?” 

“If we weren’t roommates...”

  
“Right?” 

“Then would you, like, voluntarily want to be roommates with me?” 

“Well,” Remus scrubbed at his hair with a towel, considering the question carefully.

Sirius waited with bated breath.

_ Nearly half-way through the list now. _

“What are my other options?” 

_ “Moony!” _

On his bed, Peter sounded as though he was choking. He flicked the curtains shut around his bed. The tell-tale shimmer of a silencing charm enclosed them and Sirius resolutely ignored the way the curtains shook.

In the bathroom, James was positively howling with laughter.

  
  
  
  
  


**_Query Three: Would subject_** **_propose that we be roommates and sleep in the same bed?_**

**_Conclusion:_ ** _ probably not, but let it be known Prongs and Wormtail ruin everything, including this operation. _

**_Trademarks detected:_ ** _ 0 out of 6? _

~~~~~

  
  


**_Query Four: does subject write notes to me as to a sweetheart?_ **

It had been weeks since Sirius had made progress on his investigation.

After the ‘voluntary roommate’ incident, frustrated that he didn’t understand why Peter and James were laughing so hard, Remus declared that Sirius had been acting strangely since the beginning of term and he wanted answers. 

Sirius deflected, but thought it best to lie low for the time being.

It was a Saturday and he had taken a long shower (it wasn’t  _ intentionally _ after Remus’s shower and he did not  _ intentionally _ indulge in a wank to the smell of his soap). 

_ Beware the friend of the same sex who writes notes as to a sweetheart. _

How in the buggering fuck would he convince Remus to write him a note?

Sure, they used Protean charms in the upper left corner of parchment so that they could pass notes undetected in class, but all the Marauders were able to see them. Remus was such a cautious person. If he were harboring secret feelings, he would never risk such a brazen display. 

What he needed to do was charm just his and Remus’s parchment, then find out a way to let Moony know their communication was no longer shared with the other Marauders.

But how to do that without being obvious...

He was busy contemplating his next step he should take when he saw it. 

A note.

Tucked against his pillow. 

He recognized the neat handwriting. His heart leapt, fingers fumbling as he opened the parchment.

“Steal my chocolate again and I will hunt you down.” 

  
  
  
  
  


**_Query Four: does subject write notes to me as to a sweetheart?_ **

**_Conclusion:_ ** _ decidedly not. _

**_Trademarks detected:_ ** _ 0 out of 6? _

~~~~~

  
  


**_Query Five: does subject direct the conversation to intimate matters?_ **

“My mum and dad  _ want  _ you to come, Sirius.” 

He didn’t miss the use of his first name.

Whenever James slipped into mother-hen mode and became earnest about convincing Sirius of his self-worth he would call him by his given name and wrap the whole act with a pair of puppy dog eyes that could put Padfoot to shame. 

“Thanks Prongs, but really I’d rather be here.” 

Sirius shifted uncomfortably. He certainly wasn’t about to spend the Christmas holidays with his own family, but the idea of intruding on the Potters for the entirety of the break was almost equally repulsive to him. To see their family, so sure of their love for one another, their solidity as a family unit…it wasn’t that he felt like an imposition, exactly. He was sure the Potters invitation was genuine. They were far too kind for it to be anything but.

It was that the whole experience would be too liminal, too unsteady. He would be welcomed, be  _ loved _ even, but he wasn’t truly a part of their family. He knew that. Even lying next to the hearth on Christmas Eve, he would still be an outsider looking in. Never imposing, but never quite belonging.

Beyond that, seeing the comfortable routines with which the Potters so effortlessly coexisted would remind him of everything he lacked. 

No. It was better to stay at Hogwarts. 

‘You shouldn’t be alone during the holidays.”

“I won’t be. Remus will be here.” 

James sighed. He opened his mouth and closed it a few times, as though trying to consider the best way to approach a painful topic. Intent on derailing that particular thought. (for he knew what James would inevitably say) Sirius interrupted him.

“Why aren’t you telling this to Remus, as well? You think he should be alone during the holidays?” 

“I _ am _ , mate. I told him the minute the Full’s gone down that he should Floo to my place. He said he would be fine here with you.”

“See, we’ll be fine.” 

“Sirius.” 

Sirius had wrapped, unwrapped, and rewrapped the same pair of socks for Peter six times. He refused to look up at James. 

James lifted the socks out of his hands gently. 

“ _ What? _ ”

“I don’t think what you’re doing is...” he trailed off, trying to find the right words.

“...good for you,” he settled on.

Sirius glared at him. 

“What’d you mean it’s not ‘good for me?’”

“Look,” James glanced around to make sure the door to their dormitory was shut, “you obviously care about Remus. And I think Remus cares about you as well. But both of you refusing to say anything, looking for some kind of weird signs to over-analyze... and now being in the castle alone together?” 

Sirius’s lips quirked.  _ Alone together. Damn. Should’ve investigated more slowly.  _

“I think you’re going to drive yourself spare, mate. It’s like you’re torturing yourself. Just talk to him. At least you’ll have an answer, you know? Then you can carry on, or move on..”

“Yeah, because talking to Lily has worked so well for you. And you’ve just accepted her answer and moved on, have you?” 

James at least had the good to look ashamed.

“Look, it’s not even the...the investigating. It’s your family.” 

“My family? What the fuck do they have to do with it?”

“The list! This bloody list you’re using. It’s the most ridiculous, homophobic thing I’ve ever seen, mate. I mean, Merlin, you’re looking in book that you wouldn’t be caught fucking dead with in any other circumstance. Why take advice from that pure-blood...pure-blood  _ propaganda _ !?”

“Well I don’t really have the luxury of looking elsewhere, do I?” Sirius snapped. 

“I’m not saying you do, Sirius, but at least consider the fact that that list was written ages ago by some homophobic twat who thinks any gay man is going to inevitably touch your private parts if they’re interested in you. Even if Moony is obsessed with you, he isn’t going to  _ assault _ you. You’re not going to be able to avoid what you’re feeling, talking about it and--”

“Well I just don’t have some lovely family to give me advice about whether or not what I’m feeling is normal, do I? I don’t get the luxury of wondering if it’s normal for me to- “

“Sirius.” 

“No, James. You don’t get it. You don’t get what it’s like to have to dodge Unforgiveables when you say you don’t want an arranged marriage with your third fucking cousin, you don’t have to imagine what your family would say if-” 

“Sirius!”

“ _ -if you said  _ you didn’t want to marry a woman at all. You have such a lovely fucking family, and I’m happy for you, honestly, but you...you have so much love in your life, you have so many great things going for you. You have no idea what it’s like to be terrified of losing one of the only good things in your life because you’re in love with a half-blood bloke who happens to be a werewolf. I can’t lose the Marauders. And I can’t… can you imagine telling my mother,  _ my fucking mother-” _

“Sirius... shut up...” James whispered miserably.

Sirius whirled around, hands clenched. He had yelled at James before, unloaded on him about his family and the injustice of it all, but James had always allowed him to vent, never challenged him, never tried to-

_ Oh.  _

Sirius stared at James, who was staring Remus, who was staring at Sirius open-mouthed, one hand still resting on the door-knob.

~~~~~

“So.” 

Sirius looked up at Remus miserably. He had been on the roof outside of their dormitory for the better part of an hour. He grabbed some of Peter’s (terribly stashed) cigarettes and was indulging himself while trying to ignore the muffled voices of James and Remus drifting out from inside the dorm.

He was freezing, but he refused to go inside until James and Remus were gone. 

“So.”

Remus sank down on the rooftop and scooted closer to Sirius, pressing his side against Sirius’s and throwing a blanket across both their shoulders.

The sat side by side, knees tucked to their chests, staring out at the treetops of the forest.

“So, I didn’t know there was another half-blood werewolf bloke at Hogwarts. You’ll have to introduce me.” 

Slowly, Sirius raised his head and turned to stare at Remus incredulously.

“Is that a  _ fucking joke _ ,  _ Moony _ ?”

Remus grinned, snatching the cigarette from Sirius fingers. He took a drag before crushing it under his heel.

“You shouldn’t smoke.” 

Sirius snorted, looking out at the Forbidden Forest again.

Remus pulled a piece of parchment out of the folds of the blanket. Sirius glanced down to see his own messy handwriting on the incomplete set of notes, his list having stopped at Query Four. He groaned and buried his head in his hands.

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Remus said softly.

“Just because I don’t display all of the, er,” he glanced at the notes, “‘trademarks of homosexuality’ doesn’t mean you’re going to lose one of the only good things you have in your life.”

Sirius stiffened.

“Look, I know you’re trying to be nice and spare my feelings, but it sounds like you’re taking the bloody piss out of me, so if you could just shut up that would be great.” 

He moved to stand up, but felt Remus’s arm wrap around his waist. 

“I’m not taking the piss,” Remus said  ( with a distinctly piss-taking grin ) ,”I'm ‘directing the conversation toward intimate discussions.’” 

“Oh, fuck off,” Sirius said hotly, 

Remus’s hand on his waist held him firmly and his grin faded.

“Sorry, I’ll stop.

“Good.”

“I mean it though, you’re not losing the Marauders.”

Sirius shrugged, but made no move to pull away from Remus  _ (hey, if he was offering to hold him...if Sirius could feel his body just for a moment longer...maybe it would be enough to live off of) _ .

“This’ll change things. We’ll act strangely around each other, and I’ll end up going to James, and you’ll go to Pete and Lily and Alice... and then this will all fall apart.”

Remus leaned his head against Sirius’s. He trailed his hand up and down Sirius’s side, stroking softly a few times. He felt the other boy stiffen in his arms.

“That’s not going to happen. No,” he said more firmly, hearing a noise of disbelief from the man below him, “listen. James is right. You should never take notes from a horrible book. I knew your summer must have been bad, but Merlin... “ 

He sighed, unconsciously pulling Sirius closer to him. 

“Suggesting we share a bed? Really? Do you think I’d be that obvious? If you - Sirius Black, Gryffindor Extraordinaire - was nervous about fucking this all up, what do you think I’ve been like? Gay werewolves don’t have a lot of friend groups to fall back on, you know. I get it, when you say you’re terrified of losing this. I would never…” 

Remus trailed off, swallowing thickly. 

“I would never have said anything at all, Sirius. Never even tried to figure it out. I always thought if I could just have you in my life, that would be enough.”

Sirius raised his head and looked at Remus questioningly. His eyes were cautious, guarded.

Remus pressed a soft kiss to Sirius’s lips.

“How could you think I wouldn’t fancy you, you daft mutt?” 

Remus never heard the answer. 

Neither man spoke for the next few minutes _ (their mouths were otherwise occupied) _ . 

After several minutes ( _ Merlin, he even  _ tastes _ like chocolate _ ), Sirius pulled away.

A million thoughts were racing through his head.

_ (They should talk about what this means, they should talk about what they want, they should talk about how Moony can shag me senseless on every surface in the common room) _

Trying to prioritize them in his brain was like herding kneazles.

_ (shagging shouldn’t be the priority… shouldn’t be the priority… shouldn’t…) _

He hummed as he pulled away from Remus, too dazed to form complete sentences. He ran his fingers through honey-brown curls. They were even softer than he had imagined.

After a few minutes, he gathered his thoughts _(_ _ enough _ ).

“James must have missed the train. Has he ended up staying?” 

Remus shook his head, still peppering Sirius neck and jaw with kisses. 

“He arranged a Floo I think. Said he didn’t want to be here to hear us test out Query Six.”

Sirius groaned again, but this time there was a smile on his face as he buried his head against Remus’s neck. 

“Not that I really care, considering the outcome, but it’s kind of awful knowing I’ll never live this down.”

Remus laughed, humming in affirmation, “well if it’s any consolation, I  _ do  _ really want to touch the private parts of your body.”

  
  


~~~~~

  
  


_ (it was a consolation) _ .

  
  



End file.
